ABSOLUTE TRUTHS OF TRIATHLON
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Mon, 23 Apr 2007 by William Lobdell
The Iron Kahuna's went out to Palm Springs with his best friend and spent 48 hours playhing golf (the Kahuna plays twice a year and is horrible) at Indian Wells, watching the sports on TV, working out and talking about family, career and life.
The Kahuna took an Ipod-less 2.5-hour bike on Saturday, where he had a lot of time to think. By the way, here's a tip: don't leave your iPod in the car while visiting the desert. The Kahuna guesses the hot temperatures fried his beloved iPod, which now can turn on but does nothing else -- even after resetting the damn thing to the original settings and all that. RIP, little guy.
So the Kahuna was thinking: there are a lot of absolute truths in triathlon. Here's a list of some of them, but feel free to add your own.
1. You will forget to bring at least one piece of equipment or clothing on race day.
2. During a race, you will at least once curse the day you started in triathlon.
3. After crossing the finish line, you'll praise the day you started in triathlon.
4. At water stations, you'll wonder the level of personal hygiene of the volunteers who have their fingers in the cups of waters.
5. Someone will blow by you who is older or heavier or both and your ego will take a hit.
6. You'll blow by someone who is younger or skinny and your ego will soar.
7. You won't oversleep on race day. In fact, you'll wake up every 30 minutes to make sure of it.
8. After the race, your transition area will look like a tornado hit it.
9. You'll get kicked on the swim.
10. You'll get elbowed on the swim.
11. You'll panic, at least once, on the swim.
12. On the drive home, you'll think of several ways you've could have gone faster.
13. Before the race, you'll wait in line for a Port-a-Pottie.
14. You'll have to have a strong stomach to go inside the Port-a-Potties.
15. You'll have to go pee in your wetsuit just before the race starts.
16. You'll miss at least one handoff from aid station volunteers while on the bike.
17. Some knucklehead will try to squeeze in ahead of you in the finishing shoot.
18. There's nothing sweeter than your first taste of Gatorade during the race.
19. There's nothing more horrible than your last taste of Gatorade during the race.
20. You can never just do one triathlon.
